iAwks
by PrincessPurplee
Summary: Spencer gives Sam and Freddie the Talk. Awkward, much? Seddie. Based of Chapter 3 of my story iChat. T for kissing.


**A/N: So hey. This kina connects with Chapter 3 of my story iChat, and I've been promising this for about a week or s now. So here you go. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: There was once an old man who lived in a far away cottage (not like the cheese), which was discreetly placed in the centre of a large forest. This man had special powers; he could produce lettuce on command. The forest he lived in was secluded, until one day; the people from the near-by city came to hunt in the forest. Armed with butte-knives and cake forks, the city people saw the old man's cottage and decided they wanted some food, so they walked into the cottage, demanding broccoli.** **The old man refused, and the city people yelled. He old man attempted to defend himself by throwing lettuce at them, but failed. As he died from a butter-knife wound, he croaked the words, "Elyse does not own iCarly . . ."**

"Hey, kiddos," Spencer said, as the new couple walked through the door of the Shay apartment, arm in arm. He closed the door in one swift movement and smiled nervously at Sam and Freddie. They knew why they were there, but that didn't mean that they actually _wanted _to be there. "Settle yourselves down," the grown man said; although the two were already sitting on the green couch, Sam nestled in to Freddie's said, and his arm slung comfortably over his new girlfriend's shoulder.

"Uh, so . . . You want some squid ink ice-cream?

"Spencer, we know why we're here, just get on with it," the blonde said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, you see, I know you guys are a couple now, and there are some things which couples do-"

"Spencer," Sam interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"We're not having, uh, sex," Freddie finished, while Sam chuckled at his stutter.

The artist took in a deep breath, beginning to pace around the room. "Yet. Now, think about this; what would your mom think?"

"My mom would applaud me," Sam admitted, shrugging her shoulders. "She's a weird mom, I know."

"What would she think if you got pregnant, though, Sam?" Sure, Spencer was childish and immature for the most part of his life, but he sure did have his moments of being a normal grown-up. Or, at least, semi-normal. Because, let's be honest, this is Spencer.

"Spencer, we're not having sex," Freddie repeated, more confidently than before. He was emphasizing each word carefully.

"Fine, I'll be back in a sec," he said, walking off to his room in a mood. Sam just rolled her eyes.

"He's such a grown-up, sometimes," she said, laughing. "That's something I never expected."

"Oh, same here," Freddie chuckled lightly, leaving a silence in the air. He leant down and kissed his girlfriend on her beloved blonde curls gently, and squeezed the arm he had around her shoulders so that they were enveloped in what should have been an awkward side-hug, but was a comfortable side-hug. The boy saw her turn her head away and roll her eyes, but he still caught the shy smile which he only ever saw once every year. He noticed it had started to occur more, recently.

"You're such a nub," she said, turning back to face Freddie, but the tiny blush rising on her cheeks contradicted her. He thought about calling her out on it and teasing her, but he decided on something else. He brought is face closer to her's with a thumb on her chin and kissed her. As usual, the kiss started out gentle; her holding her delicate hands over his new biceps and him snaking his hands around her slender waist. One might call it perfect. Although the two had only been dating for none shorted than a day, they had already kissed over ninety times, not like Freddie had been counting or anything . . . But, as usual, then the kiss started to heat up. Sam gripping Freddie's arms, Freddie pulling Sam closer to him by her waist smoothly, both in a desperate need to get closer, to destroy every molecule in their way.

Sam ran her tongue along the lower of her boyfriend's two lips, not _asking _for entrance, but _demanding _entrance. Well, what else do you expect? Freddie allowed her in (not like she needed approval) happily. The kiss escalated to the point where the two ended up with Freddie sitting with his back on the couch, and Sam with a leg either side of him, straddling him as he ran his tongue across her neck, knowing – after just a day – how sensitive her neck was to her. She let out a small moan, which caught Freddie's attention.

"Okay, _this _is what I was talking about!"

Sam and Freddie whipped their heads to the side to see Spencer standing near his Bottle-Bot, gripping a dripping wet carton of milk. It as a rare occasion when Spencer Shay got angry, but this was one of them. Thoughts of how he would feel if he caught his little sister in that position with her boyfriend flew across his mind, much less on the first day of dating and he wondered through his methods of destruction of teenage boys.

"Spencer, I swear that this is the first time we've _ever _done something like that," Freddie promised truthfully, while Sam climbed off him, hair tangled and a few buttons of her checked shirt undone. She had an under-shirt on, of course.

"This is what I meant! You teenagers can so easily get caught in the heat of the moment then – BAM – you're on _Sixteen and Pregnant,_" the artist said, throwing his head into his hands at even the slight thought of his baby sister's best friend, who was basically his baby sister too, on such a cringe-worthy show.

There was a moment of painful silence in the room as the couple and the twenty-something didn't even share a glance.

"Look," Freddie said, speaking slowly, testing the waters, "We didn't mean for it to get that far, Spencer. I promise that we won't let it happen again."

Spencer nodded, "I do trust you two, but I don't trust hormones."

Sam let out a completely unlady-like snort, which Freddie thought was insanely cute, "Who does? Don't worry about us, Spence. We won't let it get that far again, ankle swear. I don't want to end up like my Mom," she added, with a touch of sadness in her voice. However, the sadness son became an eye roll, as per usual.

"Ankle swear?" Spencer asked. Sam nodded. "Fine. Go on, be coupley over at Freddie's; I have a date coming over." He winked. Sam flashed a smile at him as Freddie told her that he'd be over in a minute as she left, gentle blonde curls swaying and bouncing behind her.

Freddie picked up his phone from the coffee table and switched off the TV, smiling to himself.

"Right, Fredman, before I forge and you leave," the older of the two boys said, moving his hands to feel around in his back pocket, "Here," he murmured, pulling out a small box and placing it in the younger boy's palm. "Just don't get her pregnant." He pushed Freddie out the door gently and closed it to fit its frame. Freddie looked down at the box, already knowing what it was.

_Chizz._

**A/N: Love? Hate? Like? Want some cabbage? Cool now review me.**


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